My fear is not 'I' ceasing to exist after death but the opposite. I am fearful, terrified at times, that after death 'my' consciousness will continue. Mind in eternity, if you like, without form. I find the prospect of 'self' disappearing after death comforting, like awareness vanishing on sleeping. I'd love to hear your thoughts on that. Perhaps it is the same regardless, to meet/embrace/be with the fear?
So, if I understand that, you fear that awareness might continue without any need to feed, clothe, and otherwise care for the body. No backache, no headache. No need for money, transportation, doctors and dentists, insurance policies, passports--none of that. That doesn't sound too bad. Might be relaxing.
But seriously, if I found myself conscious after the death of the body, I imagine I'd be doing exactly what I am doing now, dealing with each moment as best I could.
Appreciate you taking the time to respond, Robert. That's helped to clarify what I really fear - continued awareness of the negatively ruminative mind, rather than awareness per se. But your comment still holds. Thank you.
But isn't the real problem not in some faraway, fantasized future, but what you are calling "the negatively ruminative mind" right now?
After all, that's what fears about what might happen are: negative ruminations. If you can learn to deal with them now, the future will take care of itself.
Is the flower truly alive as a separate thing or is that just a story we tell about a million or more intertwined processes coming together for a time as a blooming flower and then apparently wilting?
Hi Robert. Not sure how else to ask you this so i’ll leave it here and hope you see it. The last few years of my life would probably be called difficult by most. My wife had a miscarriage, my grandma (who was one of the only people i felt really understood me and loved me for who i was) died, i had a near brush with death due to a bacterial infection, my father died a year later due to a similar infection which may have been a complication of his lifelong battle with cancer and not heeding our advice to go to the hospital. My wife also lost her mom and due to a difficult upbringing routinely deals with depression and does not handle our two crazy kids well. I find myself not knowing how to process all this grief. It seems to be too much. I agree with the nondual teachings you and others offer. I understand there’s probably nothing i can do. Is that it?
That's a lot of hurt all at once. No words can make it easier, and I won’t pretend otherwise. Grief is not a problem to be solved. It’s the body, the heart, the mind—all trying to absorb a reality that feels unbearable.
You ask if this is it. I’d say: yes, and no.
Yes, because nothing changes the fact of loss. There’s no trick or practice that exempts anyone from the chaos of life. There is no hidden dimension where all this finally makes sense. Loss is loss, and that's life.
But also, no. Because when we stop trying to fix the grief, we may begin to feel something else alongside the pain. A kind of silent knowing. This is what life does. It gives, and it takes. And somehow, impossibly, it goes on.
You’re not doing it wrong. You’re not missing anything. You are in the storm, and the storm is real.
You say you agree with the nondual teachings. That may help—or it may just become one more idea that tries to outthink the pain of existence. Don’t make it into a belief system.
Sometimes, the most honest thing we can say is, 'This hurts.' And then, breathe.
Robert - i’m curious to know, is what you mean when you refer to spirit and spiritual similar to what you’ve described here with regard to the words soul and soulful?
The word "spiritual" has multiple meanings, depending on the context in which it is used. Since it derives from the word "spirit," let me start there. Spirit is often imagined as a force apart from matter. In that view—which is frankly dualistic—matter is inert and comes alive only when animated by spirit.
So when people say “spiritual,” they often mean something non-material: divine, eternal, pure, or transcendent. Others use it more loosely, to gesture toward beauty, connection, or depth. I don’t use the word in either sense. It’s burdened by dualism, and I avoid it when possible.
I don’t see the world in that split. I’m pointing, instead, to the raw immediacy of experience—not something above the world, but within it.
yes, i'm pretty sure i understand what you're pointing to vs the "spiritual teachers" or fields or whatever. my curiosity was piqued by the way you spoke about it in The Baby and The Bathwater video you shared on June 12th. i'm curious to know what YOU meant by it in that video. i'm wondering if perhaps you were using it in the "more loosely" manner because you seemed to reference it relative to compassion and love when speaking of the human experience.
i don't want to be a pest about this, even though that may be what i'm doing. i try assiduously to avoid using words like spirit and spiritual because in my view those words refer to a fantasy that i do not agree with. i try to be honest in my use of language and so stay away from those words. but i'm wondering if i'm being too pedantic if there is an honest use that i'm missing. this is why i am pursuing the question with you because there's no daylight between our views generally speaking. it may simply be that I'm reading too much into what you said in that video.
I don't remember what I said in the video, Patricia.
Your question provoked me to begin writing a brief essay on "Beyond Spirituality." When I have finished it, I will post it for you and everyone to read.
Gracias, Robert.
Beautiful text.
Nicely put mate🈚️
Dear Robert
My fear is not 'I' ceasing to exist after death but the opposite. I am fearful, terrified at times, that after death 'my' consciousness will continue. Mind in eternity, if you like, without form. I find the prospect of 'self' disappearing after death comforting, like awareness vanishing on sleeping. I'd love to hear your thoughts on that. Perhaps it is the same regardless, to meet/embrace/be with the fear?
So, if I understand that, you fear that awareness might continue without any need to feed, clothe, and otherwise care for the body. No backache, no headache. No need for money, transportation, doctors and dentists, insurance policies, passports--none of that. That doesn't sound too bad. Might be relaxing.
But seriously, if I found myself conscious after the death of the body, I imagine I'd be doing exactly what I am doing now, dealing with each moment as best I could.
Appreciate you taking the time to respond, Robert. That's helped to clarify what I really fear - continued awareness of the negatively ruminative mind, rather than awareness per se. But your comment still holds. Thank you.
You are welcome, Sandra.
But isn't the real problem not in some faraway, fantasized future, but what you are calling "the negatively ruminative mind" right now?
After all, that's what fears about what might happen are: negative ruminations. If you can learn to deal with them now, the future will take care of itself.
Is the flower truly alive as a separate thing or is that just a story we tell about a million or more intertwined processes coming together for a time as a blooming flower and then apparently wilting?
Hi Robert. Not sure how else to ask you this so i’ll leave it here and hope you see it. The last few years of my life would probably be called difficult by most. My wife had a miscarriage, my grandma (who was one of the only people i felt really understood me and loved me for who i was) died, i had a near brush with death due to a bacterial infection, my father died a year later due to a similar infection which may have been a complication of his lifelong battle with cancer and not heeding our advice to go to the hospital. My wife also lost her mom and due to a difficult upbringing routinely deals with depression and does not handle our two crazy kids well. I find myself not knowing how to process all this grief. It seems to be too much. I agree with the nondual teachings you and others offer. I understand there’s probably nothing i can do. Is that it?
Hello, Ben.
That's a lot of hurt all at once. No words can make it easier, and I won’t pretend otherwise. Grief is not a problem to be solved. It’s the body, the heart, the mind—all trying to absorb a reality that feels unbearable.
You ask if this is it. I’d say: yes, and no.
Yes, because nothing changes the fact of loss. There’s no trick or practice that exempts anyone from the chaos of life. There is no hidden dimension where all this finally makes sense. Loss is loss, and that's life.
But also, no. Because when we stop trying to fix the grief, we may begin to feel something else alongside the pain. A kind of silent knowing. This is what life does. It gives, and it takes. And somehow, impossibly, it goes on.
You’re not doing it wrong. You’re not missing anything. You are in the storm, and the storm is real.
You say you agree with the nondual teachings. That may help—or it may just become one more idea that tries to outthink the pain of existence. Don’t make it into a belief system.
Sometimes, the most honest thing we can say is, 'This hurts.' And then, breathe.
I wish you peace of mind.
—Robert
Thank you Robert. Is there a way i can write you privately?
Robert - i’m curious to know, is what you mean when you refer to spirit and spiritual similar to what you’ve described here with regard to the words soul and soulful?
Hi, Patricia—
The word "spiritual" has multiple meanings, depending on the context in which it is used. Since it derives from the word "spirit," let me start there. Spirit is often imagined as a force apart from matter. In that view—which is frankly dualistic—matter is inert and comes alive only when animated by spirit.
So when people say “spiritual,” they often mean something non-material: divine, eternal, pure, or transcendent. Others use it more loosely, to gesture toward beauty, connection, or depth. I don’t use the word in either sense. It’s burdened by dualism, and I avoid it when possible.
I don’t see the world in that split. I’m pointing, instead, to the raw immediacy of experience—not something above the world, but within it.
yes, i'm pretty sure i understand what you're pointing to vs the "spiritual teachers" or fields or whatever. my curiosity was piqued by the way you spoke about it in The Baby and The Bathwater video you shared on June 12th. i'm curious to know what YOU meant by it in that video. i'm wondering if perhaps you were using it in the "more loosely" manner because you seemed to reference it relative to compassion and love when speaking of the human experience.
i don't want to be a pest about this, even though that may be what i'm doing. i try assiduously to avoid using words like spirit and spiritual because in my view those words refer to a fantasy that i do not agree with. i try to be honest in my use of language and so stay away from those words. but i'm wondering if i'm being too pedantic if there is an honest use that i'm missing. this is why i am pursuing the question with you because there's no daylight between our views generally speaking. it may simply be that I'm reading too much into what you said in that video.
I don't remember what I said in the video, Patricia.
Your question provoked me to begin writing a brief essay on "Beyond Spirituality." When I have finished it, I will post it for you and everyone to read.
wonderful! thank you.